Margarita Hour

Last semester I had to present a speech in class talking about the struggles of letting go and confrontation. In my introduction I stated “The people we hold in our inner circle form our day to day lifestyle and have an impact on how we perceive ourselves. Our favorite food has even been influenced by a person who introduced us to it.” Every person that has entered my life has left a fingerprint in forming the person I am. Something that makes me upset with today’s culture is the whole “put yourself first” mentality. Now, there are times where you need to put yourself first and make decisions not based on others’ influence. It has gotten extreme though. So many people have gotten inconsiderate about the people in their lives and have formed this thinking that only you matter. Without the people in your life you would be no one. There would be no rejection to redirect you to better things. There would be no love to motivate you to succeed. You would be bland. With that being said one of my best friends Gracie requested a topic talking about the people who have shaped my life the most. When I was drafting this outline I was stumped because I am very blessed with the people in my life. I wanted to fit everything and everyone in here because truly I have not had a person that has not taught me something. Let’s start with the obvious: my parents. If I learned anything from my psychology classes it is that your childhood environment and parents lay the blueprint into the adult that you will be. My mom is a very loving person. She always goes above and beyond for everyone around her. Everytime we go shopping she will pick up something that she thinks someone in our family or her friends will like. My dad and I have told her countless times that it upsets us because the people she does all these things for would never do the same for her. She would respond saying that she doesn’t care. My mom set the foundation of love in my life. She tells me that she wishes she had a friend like me growing up. What she doesn’t realize is that the friend she talks about is her. I am the way I am in friendships because of her. My mom taught me how to embrace the people around me and appreciate every person. Every person deserves love and to be seen. My father showed me that love is not always enough. The movies growing up always showed fairytale love and that love is the happiest ever after. The movies are cute but they are not realistic. You can love someone so much that your heart physically hurts but that will not change them. It will not make them love you. I am a firm believer that loving a person is never a regret or a waste of time. The love you pour into people, whether you get it back in return immediately, will eventually come back to you. So, when I say love is not always enough it doesn’t mean to not love but to remind myself that love is not the only ingredient. In any relationship or friendship there should be love, effort, communication, and a strive to be better together and separately. My father taught me detachment. You can love someone from afar but you can’t force them to be the idea that you have of them in your brain. People will disappoint and sometimes they won’t change no matter how badly you want them to. As some of you know my father did pass away and I believe that shaped me the most into the person I am. Losing him showed me to always make the most out of every connection. Do not let the pain discourage you and break you down, let it shape you. Turn the pain into love. I didn’t have a close relationship with my father before he passed. I think that does make me cold to an extent. It makes me fear vulnerability for many reasons. One of the more obvious ones is the fact that you can be vulnerable and love and that person will leave. Whether it be through death or just disinterest. The others are for a later date. While I did and still do yearn for that connection with him, without it I wouldn’t have my best friend. My dad. My dad and I are very similar in a lot of ways. He taught me how to work hard and fight for the life you want. My dad is the most successful person that I know. Not only in superficial and material things but just overall in life. He puts so much hard work and effort into everything he comes across. He works hard to provide for our family. He puts effort in building a connection between us even as I get older. I have never seen him give up. He does a lot of spiritual work to bring people closer to God. In his free time he goes into prisons to talk about God. I am 1000% a reflection of my dad. We are both very dominant people and can be stubborn and hard headed. Whatever I do in my life and whatever success I achieve it will only be a mere reflection of what he has done. Sometimes I feel like his project that he has been working on for years. Taking a step back from family I am going to talk about one of my biggest lessons. My first relationship really transformed me into the person I am today. We have been broken up for over 2 years and I feel that if we hadn’t broken up I wouldn’t be the person I am today. My first relationship taught me that when a person truly loves you, there will be no doubt. Love is not a push and pull. It is easy and at its’ core it is a deep friendship. Your partner should be your best friend. They should be the person you come to in good or bad. This relationship showed me what romantic love is. The break up showed me that things are not always how they seem. Again, I am very hard headed and I love being right. I think I took something that was just simple and made it complicated. Before I got into this relationship I always felt that you have to prove something. You have to make the person want to stay. He was very gentle, introverted, a little awkward, not in a bad way, and simple. I thought that since there was no jealousy, no arguments he didn’t care as much as I did. So, I would distance myself and start petty things to gain that control back into my arena. We are told constantly online that love is a fight when it is not. After reflecting I realized the times I felt the most love was not when I put him in positions to beg for me and show jealousy to prove he really wanted me. It was when I was going through a hard time and he would just sit with me. When I would have a panic attack and he knew me so well he would know how to deescalate the situation and calm me down. Moving forward from this he has built a standard not only for what I look for, but how I should be. I owe it to him and to the next person I am with to learn and be better. I hate that to learn you sometimes have to hurt. I wished that I could go back in time and stop myself from hurting. If I could do that I wouldn’t be in the position I am now to realize my own mistakes. As I am concluding this section and moving on to how my friends have shaped me I would be lying if I said I didn’t have a heavy heart.. Every post I write takes reflection and looks back at old mistakes and memories. It can be hard to not sit in the negative mindset. It can be hard to see the beauty of not being the same person. Though I do know that our chapter is over and there is no restart, I will never again take for granted the art of love. I wish I was the person I am now so I could have appreciated all of the love that was around me. I can’t and all I can do is move forward. Onto my friendships. I have already written so much and I don’t want to bore anyone out so I will try to summarize. Starting with my best friend, Jolie. I have something coming up for her so I will not write that much here to not spoil anything. Jolie is genuinely my other half. I find healing in her and she just gets me. Something she has shown me is that things will pass. Life goes on and it is okay to be down for a little while but to keep going. We have seen so many versions of each other and she has been the constant throughout the years. Chloe Bell and I started being friends at a very weird point in both of our lives. Everytime we hang out we can distract each other from the world around us. She shows me that problems are not the center of the universe. Gracie has brought me so much closer to Christ. We can share things with no judgment and have deep conversations about what God might be showing us. Chloe shows me how to always be myself and not let people push me around. She is very honest and moves in ways to stay true to herself. Nicole showed me how to take in every moment. She was light and life and never let anything take over her. She encouraged me to journal and to stay calm and collected. Hunter lets me talk about anything and everything. He shows me motivation and drive to not rot in pity but grow yourself. We push each other and never worry about hurting each other’s feelings because we know it is always out of good intention. I value Payton so much because we have both lost a parent and we can talk about things that no one else understands. We can sit and cry or we can laugh and reminisce and find the beauty of every moment. If I could live across the hall from Maddie my entire life I would. We are so similar in so many ways and she has shown me that you never do too much when you are with the right person. Haley brings me down to earth and shows me a situation from all different angles. Haley is just a ball of fun but also maturity. We can talk about anything from politics to “How I Met Your Mother”. Of course can’t forget Nick who matches her energy and provides a gentle sweet spirit into hard things. I am the person I am because every person has shaped me to be this way. I would be nothing without the people I love. Hannah teaches me everyday that there is light in God’ s plan, and that we are addicted to Love Island. I am so emotional writing all of this because as corny as it is, love is the center. Friendships are the foundation. Relationships can make or break you. The pain and mistakes do not turn you into dust, they renovate to create something better. Thank you guys for reading. I hope you all tune in for next time.